I really don’t expect anyone to comprehend
what I am going through.
And the last I need now is sympathy.
But for someone who has seen me
from healthy to sick,
to marry me and
slept next to me for 3 years,
the least I expect is understanding
and not condemnation
nor comparison.

So what if there are people who are
worse off than I am?
So what if there people who are
suffering more than I am?
I am not them and they are not me.
We all grew up in a different environment.
We are all blessed in different aspects.
I am blessed with a family
who provides and
thus gives me the luxury to rest.
I am blessed with a family
who spoils me rotten.
Stop telling me to get a job
just because there are people
who are suffering more than I am are working.
Who are you to tell me to get a job
when the people providing are not
and don’t want me to?

What really puzzles me is
why can’t you see when the rest could?
My mum could tell a trend.
My friends could.
But you, who sleep next to me, couldn’t.

And now, I am wondering,
you couldn’t or
you just want me to work
so that you need not pay me
maintenance????

2006 was a very interesting year.
I kind of ended a 20 over year friendship.
Didn’t know what happened
but just suddenly felt that
I had enough from this friend.

I stopped going to Innate as
I felt that I needed a change.
I found another therapy
called Chotai.
When I was there,
the therapist asked if I want
to try Hypnotherapy.
She felt that was going to help me.

After much internal struggling,
I emptied my bank
and went ahead to give it a shot.

Hypnotherapy was indeed
a very painful process.
It really dug into the deepest
things and issues that you thought
you have gotten over with or
you had buried some where deep inside.
But…
coming face to face with such issues,
I realized that these are really
the problem to my health issues.

At least I found out one of the reasons
why I couldn’t sleep at night.
And I found out why I had anxiety attacks.
I also found out why the tensions
all over my body.
I also found out I am really tired
in my marriage and it’s time to end.

I can say that with Hypnotherapy,
my health has improved a lot.
There are more better days
than bad ones.
I am also more aware and honest with
my feelings and emotions now
and thus less bottled up issues.

I believe my days are getting better.
And as long as I live everyday,
nothing else really matter.

And in end 2006,
our marriage of over 3 years has ended.